On today’s Small Things Often, we tell you why. For example, what if you expect your partner to initiate intimacy? Or what color would you like to paint the kitchen? This may lead to a discussion about their thoughts on eventually having children and a family of their own — which is also important to know in case you’re not on the same page about this subject. Still set boundaries though — regardless of what you’re doing and wherever you are for date night. So where do you begin? So instead, dig deep down and figure out what it is you really want to happen. So talk about how you’ll handle this — by keeping the conflict between you low — and maintaining your sexual relationship. Today’s small thing: Enjoy the #1 couple exercise! Yes, work. Ask questions that show you care, like “What’s the worst part of this for you?” It can be really nice to know that your partner is on your side, no matter what. Not true. Differentiation requires the risk of being open to growth and being honest! So think about it like this. Or have a two-person dance party in your living room. It’s always been their responsibility to lock up before bed because they stay up later. Why Resting is Good for Your RelationshipYou probably know that resting is good for you, but did you know that it’s also good for your relationship? This will help you remember the good part of your relationship — and you’ll be less likely to blindly react to the situation. Why this amount of time? On this episode of Small Things Often, find out why creating time and space for yourself can keep the relationship with your partner strong and healthy. The only way to really do this is to step out of your own story. By consistently practicing mindful meditation — repeating a single word and gently bringing the mind back to the present moment when it wanders, you’ll be able to more easily recognize your triggers and physical responses that happen during a conflict. Have you heard of stonewalling? It started small — your partner complained that you spent way too much money at the grocery store. Maybe you’re in a rut with your partner and you don’t feel at all like a team. But you always let it go, because that’s just one of their quirks. Whatever your style, make sure that you and your partner are always excited to see each other. There will always be excuses. Maybe give each other a kiss every morning as a quick dose of intimacy. Plus, you’re always carving out time in your busy schedules to do things together— like taking a walk holding hands, planning time for intimacy — and working every day to keep romance alive — even in the smallest ways. Nope. Open a bottle of wine together or each order your favorite takeout — and pretend like you’re sitting across a table from each other… while you know, propping up a phone, tablet, or computer, so you can see their face. Their need challenges your own… but what’s important is whether or not you’re willing to give them what they need. A kiss to say goodbye or how about a 5 minute chat at the kitchen table after dinner? Did you know that most people who split up or divorce never even tried talking to a professional? Maybe their face flushes, their voice gets loud and angry — and they begin to pace. It all totally checks out. From the renowned comedian, creator, star and executive producer/multiple title-holder of Comedy Central's Important Things with Demetri Martin comes a bold, original, and rectangular kind of humor book. If you’re noticing their flaws lately, and not their positive qualities, it’s time to change your thinking. But the simple fact is: Self-care isn’t selfish at all. That’s not it! And how you handle this ratio can mean whether you are in what we call a “master” or “disaster” relationship. It’s what we discovered in a few decades of research with thousands of real couples. Falling “in like” is what drew you together. How can we let each other know if we’re ready to talk — or need to be alone? Here’s something that can help. BUT before you do…STOP. Yes, they argue, and even sometimes jump into the nasty box for a bit — but not for long. Instead of letting a confirmation bias consume you at a fancy birthday dinner that you think isn’t affordable, consider what your partner possibly had to go through to take you there and show your appreciation. Remember to say please and thank you in everyday moments! Think of it this way — instead of saying you love them, show it by giving them the time and space to be heard. How to Be a Better ListenerHow are your listening skills? Because bottom line—the best thing you can do for your relationships is take care of yourself! Enormously. Pacing the hallway? Case in point: Say your partner didn’t get the promotion they were absolutely positively sure they were going to get — and they’ve been angry ever since. And if you need help working on it, don’t believe the myth that if you and your partner need therapy, it’s already too late. Today’s small thing: If you’re in a gridlock conflict with your partner, don’t despair! It’s been proven that, physically, it takes a full 20 minutes for your body to calm down. You know that saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side”? Before this all started, maybe the idea of being stuck in your house with your partner, family, roommates, or whoever — 24/7 — sounded fun! So, change the goal from agreement to understanding! If you can’t pin down how you’re feeling, make up a name for it or assign it a color. That’s where we all hold lots of frustration. You know why? It takes actual practice to respond and listen without getting defensive. Stay connected to those people who you care for outside of your relationship who bring you a sense of joy and comfort. As you value your partner in these small moments — honoring each other, and sharing the fondness you feel for them — your appreciation for each other will grow — and help you to reconnect, no matter how stressful life becomes. Here’s five rituals to get you started. How big is a 500-puzzle Sunday omnibus? Over 60,000 clues and more than 150,000 boxes make this America's biggest crossword book and its best value, too! Like taking time to listen to this podcast! As they start to open it, you see them shake their head, and let out a long sigh. So sit down with your partner and really think about what aspect of your life together makes you want to brag. You don’t care about me,” a differentiated partner would say, “I’m feeling really overwhelmed. First: Teach each other about something you love. Maybe you even leave love notes to each other on the fridge or the bathroom mirror. Do you consult an astrologer? Is it their turn to cook? Opposing dreams, such as these, can create perpetual conflict. My boss is the WORST!” — you probably want a response from your partner that acknowledges and/or validates your bid. This is where you can always take yourself. On this episode of Small Things Often, we’ll share how taking a side (your partner’s) can positively impact your relationship. Pay attention! On this episode of Small Things Often, we’ll explain how you can help each other when you’re both struggling with your own feelings. Conflict happens in every single relationship, there’s no escaping it. Okay, you know we’d get to this sooner or later: Intimacy and sex. What are some interests you both have in common? It’s been an incredibly challenging time. Replace negative thoughts with compassion and empathy. On purpose. It could sound like, “Hey! Ready? After you bare it all, work together to create a shared financial vision! It’s the world we live in — and it’s a blessing and a curse. We’ll help get your relationship on a positive path on this episode of Small Things Often. It could take you back to when someone in your family abandoned you as a child. Neutrality, in response to a loved one expressing pain, is a form of turning away and can be even more devastating to the relationship than turning against your partner. A bid is an attempt that a person makes to connect with someone. But instead of making a deposit of cash, you make deposits of kindness and appreciation during the small, everyday moments of your life — to let your partner know they’re loved and valued. So let’s get right to it. Hi! It just means that you’re open to seeing where another person is coming from. That sounds like a lot, right? Why It’s Important to Be “In Like” With Your PartnerYou might be “in love” with your partner, but are you “in like” with them, too? Today’s small thing: Think of moments in your own relationship with your partner that have spurred hurt feelings. But then the honeymoon phase sails off into the sunset. No one needs to be “blamed” because it’s not anyone’s fault. Ask questions! Start by doing things for your partner. A common one in relationships is cheating. Remember to approach with curiosity, tune into your inner silence, listen to understand rather than to respond, and cultivate heart-centeredness. You can’t let go of the anger. First of all, don’t feel like your hard work was wasted. Share about your day, your thoughts, your hopes, and goals. Here’s four ways to keep your relationship on track when you become a new parent — or a caregiver. And those butterflies were big enough to actually make you nauseous. Basic rule of thumb: When you turn towards your partner, you’re making a deposit. Many couples, after a period of time, may feel as if they’re drifting apart — feeling almost like strangers to each other. Create a nice arch in your back and feel the tension in your lower back, feel it tighten. Emotional intelligence can determine how successful you’ll be in life. At. Are any of those resonating with you when you’re feeling sad? Maybe one of you needs to talk — and needs verbal encouragement or support. It may be hard in this moment, but take a deep breath and choose to see where they’re coming from. Your partner could say, “Thank you for apologizing. The happiness you felt, as you began to experience life together as a couple? Take a listen to this scenario and think about how you would react. Extend that same respect and courtesy to your partner. Save your money. Make eye contact, nod your head, and if it feels right, reach out and offer a physical gesture of affection. So sorry!” We’ll explore practicing non-defensiveness even further in our next episode! If you enter the argument zone, use the “sandwich” approach to validate their views while still speaking your truth. Grab a pen and write down these rules. Or go for a walk and get some fresh air. How can you transform your feelings of sadness to become joyful? All of you — with an open heart and a listening ear — no matter what the challenge or issue. It’s inevitable. Mindfulness is not easy. Ask yourself questions about your triggers, like “When have I felt this way before?” or “What am I afraid of?” With a new perspective— you’ll be able to acknowledge your part in how the argument unfolded — and make the repairs needed. It’s never affected your friendship. It could be something like, “I feel lonely. By using that language, you’re expressing what you need — and not what you don’t need. And happier, to boot! And for the final step, set limits when you are helping your partner solve problems or deal with upsetting situations appropriately. On this episode of Small Things Often, we’ll explain how you can maintain and strengthen your emotional bonds so you can stay in love with your partner. It’s purposely paying attention without judgement. Not only will it increase your sense of appreciation for each other, but it will lower stress levels as well. So give yourself permission to rest. ELEMENT OF CHANGE | By Jim Curran Across 1 Mumbai master 6 November birthstone 11 Hotel amenity 14 Simple putt queendom15 ___ Islands (part of the Bahamas) 16 Harbor sight Know that. Think of a mindful apology as a 3-step process. It’s crucial that you validate your loved one’s experience and communicate that you understand at least some of their perspective. Like the myth that conflict is a sign that you’re in a bad relationship. Today’s tip is about dreaming with your partner. Just take a deep breath and listen. It’ll help remind you how much you have — and to appreciate each other. And pull your left ear down towards your left shoulder, giving a stretch to the right side of your neck now. Then before you even begin to talk about any conflict, focus on the positive. So imagine applying this to arguments, harsh words, or thoughtless actions. If so, it’s time to grab the very underrated “like” word out of your past — and bring it roaring back into the present. The Power of Being Polite. Dinner, drinks, dancing, neon bright lights, and a cab ride home. But remember, start small. Perfect. Visit gottman.com/afterafight for more. Today’s tip is about how to start and end your day with your partner. It’s your own private sanctuary, a place where you’re completely safe, you’re at peace, you’re being nourished by everything around you. Take your left hand, place it on the right side of your head, over your head, that’s it. Today’s tip is about being more attentive. And if you stick with it, and repair conflicts as they arise, it will strengthen your relationship and open doors to understanding and connection. Bottom line? On this episode of Small Things Often, discover why sharing individual and shared dreams is so important — and how to start a conversation about it! Like a “timeout” signal, but that could be anything. When you have a disagreement, or even just a discussion, who’s side are you really on? Then help them figure out exactly why they’re reacting that way. Emotional intelligence is the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions. Here’s the key: You’ve got to talk about these issues, a lot—and use these conversations to better understand each other. How to Find a TherapistIf you’re struggling more than usual lately, you might want to talk to a therapist. When both sides are open to mindful listening, conflict loses its charge. You ready? If they’re not, talk about it, and share what you’ve learned about the importance of bids — and turning towards each other. There are related clues (shown below). Again, not true. And not just sometimes, but regularly. There are always going to be moments that require us to make sacrifices of our time and energy. So rid your conversations of contempt with your partner, shift your thinking, let go of the judgement — and show genuine compassion and empathy when airing your feelings. Show them the wonderful, unique, weird, complicated person you are, and watch trust flourish and your relationship deepen. A stone wall, to be exact. The power these small moments hold is enormous. In other words, be their friend. “How was your day, hon?” I’m sure you’ve said that to your partner, or they’ve said it to you a million times as you’ve walked through the door at the end of the day. They don’t go into cruise control. Now what? It starts with a conversation. When you’re just hearing, you may be aware of the words your partner is saying, but not their message. Talking yourself through it even when the emotion is unclear can help provide some clarity. You could say, “What would make you more receptive to hearing each other out?” And go back to their childhood… it could be a big indicator of how your partner communicates. Stand by them. What are the difficulties that you’ve been through as a couple and how have you come out on top? Talk about your hopes and goals for the future. !” Instead, speak calmly and gently and say, “Honey, when you have a minute, could you help me out and empty the diaper bin?” Remember you’re both adjusting to the new normal. Maybe it was the episode on finding joy — and you suddenly realize that your partner is always discovering ways to bring fun and humor and excitement into your relationship. You can deal with these feelings by practicing mindfulness. Feel them being really tight in your thighs, in your calf muscles, hold it, and then release your leg back down. Okay, so you’re on a date and just getting to know each other. Here’s an example…. Think again! Today’s tip is about making time for date night. But it’s not all about problem solving. No matter what the bid looks like, it’s important to recognize that an attempt to connect is being made. Or maybe they’re stuck in the past or worrying about the future — which is making them feel overwhelmed and anxious. It’s pretty common when someone is speaking to formulate a counter argument. Bids are the building blocks of relationships — so remember to pay attention to your partner’s bids too! What are your thoughts on the subject? You’re not alone! Maybe they’ll tell you that it’s a feeling of inadequacy or embarrassment of not getting the job. But when was the last time you told your partner that you “liked” them? This is so important because you need to identify the problem and understand each other’s point of view before you can even begin to think about solving it. Here’s today’s small thing: Talk with your partner about the ways you can make your love last. Trust. So here’s some ideas on how to navigate your way through a transition — to keep your relationship on track during the most stressful of times. Here’s today’s small thing: Ask a loved one, “How are you coping? Give them a “class” on what you find so beautiful and moving about the art form. Couples therapy can be super effective and a lot of couples could have made it work if they had some help. Were playful? It’s all about building connections that’ll help build trust. Why is money such a difficult subject? Mutual respect. Or maybe even learn something new from YouTube! ”. The stress and anxiety caused by this new reality is overwhelming. Arguments often start because one partner escalates the conflict by making a critical remark. Maybe your home is your sanctuary. If you read our discussion on the role the oceans play in the water cycle, you know that evaporation from the oceans is the primary way that water returns to the atmosphere from the Earth's surface. So have a conversation about how you can make each other feel safe and accepted. First, self-soothe. The key, as is with everything in life — is balance. You say “I love you” every single day and mean it. Is it a financial worry? “We’re too busy.” “We work a lot.” “We’re always with the kids.” Throw those excuses away and find time to go on dates. Please don’t eat that! But it’s important to appreciate the little things. Is it a new job, loss of a job, trouble with in-laws, financial worries, health? Support each other emotionally about other areas of your lives. But sometimes it’s not so easy. Research has shown that “unrequited dreams are at the core of gridlocked conflict”! Focus on creating time where you’re 100% undistracted so you can fully engage with those that you love. Not a chance. Did you stumble into each other at some place utterly ridiculous? Sharing. On the season 3 finale of Small Things Often, we’ll guide you through 8 conversations to have with your partner for a lifetime of love. Integrating heartfulness can bring stability and happiness to your relationship. It’s also important to talk about family. Don’t forget to visit gottman.com/LOL for all-new research-based exercises, conversations, and videos. Are you annoyed that your partner puts their dirty plate on the kitchen counter… and doesn’t even attempt to put it in the dishwasher? Do you know what that is? A better way of responding would be to say, “Let me check, and if we’re out of them, I’ll pick some up this afternoon.” Even though it’s a small, mundane exchange, your partner will feel they’ve been heard and acknowledged. Words are exchanged, the tension escalates, and suddenly you find yourself on auto-pilot, blurting out things that are so hurtful, or maybe things that you don’t even mean. Or maybe it’s a hot cup of coffee on their nightstand before their feet touch the floor in the morning. Hold it, now release that tension and allow your back to rest comfortably against the back of your chair or sofa. High in the sky, as skyscrapers. Another way of practicing mindfulness during a tense situation is to create space between yourself and your strong emotion. Learn how paying attention to small everyday moments can add up to a deeply trusting relationship. And through it all, show them that you. You’re again building emotional intelligence. So how do you navigate your desires for individuality versus togetherness? And, finally, you’re home! Even happily married couples argue. Neither of you is trying to engage or talk about what’s going on and how you’re feeling. Let’s say you’ve had a bad day. 19 English engineer Frank Whittle is credited with inventing the turbo ___ engine (3). Has this happened to you? You have memories of your past, details of your present, and hopes for the future. Stay interested. Having Difficult Conversations with Loved OnesIt’s no secret that difficult conversations with loved ones aren’t easy. Do something kind for them or do something together! Because, actually, the, relationships happen when both partners know how to address their, in a way that supports each other’s needs and dreams. Here’s some suggestions…, Or maybe surprise your partner by waking them up in the morning with a fresh cup of coffee in bed — or cooking their favorite dinner. It’s a metaphor you’ve heard a million times, you know why? Pick one activity today that you love—and carve out a time to do it. When you realize you’re feeling a certain way, identify and express that feeling. The Crossword Solver finds answers to American-style crosswords, British-style crosswords, general knowledge crosswords and cryptic crossword puzzles. Stream definition, a body of water flowing in a channel or watercourse, as a river, rivulet, or brook. That’s a “thing” you can really do? Game in which coloured balls are potted in the order yellow, green, brown, blue, pink, black. The dog barking. Small acts of kindness go a long way to showing your partner that you care. Connect your “I see you” statement to your “truth” statement using the word “AND.” Don’t use the word “BUT” — which can discount their point of view. You could even do this during or after your reunion. Or take turns surprising each other with special date nights, leaving clues during the week to create some excitement and suspense. If you’ve already done this exercise in the past — update them! I mean, come on! Ways to Turn Towards Each Other as New Parents or CaregiversHave you recently become either a parent or a caregiver? Hopefully, your partner will respond positively and understand why you reacted the way you did and why you were hurt.
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